iubi | Entries tagged with cc

q: the markly essay you made made me realize that many people think that markly likes making people like him just to boost his ego-sona which is not the case very different from haech who is as naturally charming as markly but he enjoys making people like him and goes as far as making them fall in love with him and is so easy for him because he benefits so much from it. jaemin, mark, jaehyun and haechan are the members who like to reserve their real feelings and emotions the most jaemark do it unconsciously and nahyuck do it strategically

a: Haha yeah I actually consider Mark to be a sharp person, very attuned to the people around him, like to their needs and wants, but in a mostly unaware way– as in he might be subconsciously trying to just make people like him for that good validation and sense of belonging, but he doesn’t put any actual thought into it, it just naturally happens. It’s honestly one of the main reasons people like him so much– he’s just a good person, through and through.

Now Haechan on the other hand, I wouldn’t say he’s a bad person, not at all, he’s sweet and considerate and acts up only when he knows he can, but he’s much, Much more deliberate in everything he does. Like Mark, he’s also attuned to the people around him (Renjun during 7llin talking about Mark and then Haechan as the people always supporting them, like they’re pillars, even if they’re utterly different in so many ways) but he doesn’t just instinctively react, no, Haechan actively and carefully chooses his words and actions. Like let’s take Jaemin for example, Mark and Haechan know him similarly well (although one might argue that Jaemin’s super different around Mark, so Mark might be used to another version of him), but at the same time Mark would Never actively antagonise Jaemin, even if he’s aware of his buttons, while Haechan will gleefully press all of them Specifically because he knows it will pull delightfully honest reactions from Jaemin.

So yeah, I definitely agree that Haechan Knows his charms (as opposed to Mark who’ll rate his charisma and sexiness like 1 out of 10 yeah I’m never forgiving him for that one) and he can be your angle or your devil for that very reason because he knows exactly what to do (and he does it Well, be it turning the charm on or letting his horns peek out) so you will have people falling for him with no way to stop it (yeah I’m thinking of Renjun, sue me, he’s literally the only one with an Actual Haechan obsession and I think about it every single day).

Also you did say that Haechan benefits from making people fall in love with him, which so true, the man Needs attention to survive, but that’s kinda the case with Mark too, like obviously it’s different since Mark needs time to charge like alone while Haechan could do this all day, but they’re both dependent on attention (one might argue it’s why they’re so good at their job lmao). And I totally agree that Mark reserves his true feelings mostly without even realizing it, but for Jaehyun I think it’s a more deliberate effort.

Like they’re both hyung pleasers (it’s why the hyungs still talk about Jaehyun being the maknae before and how a lot of times the 127s used to choose Mark as the more maknae-like one over Haechan) so they do tend to bottle up so as to not upset anyone, but Mark has the dreamies while Jaehyun tends to visibly close himself off both to other people and to himself to like a worrying degree (something that Jaemin does too but that man does not have people pleasing tendencies, not in the way Jaehyun does– Jaemin tries to please people for his own benefit, while Jaehyun lives vicariously through other people’s joy). Haechan is actually the most well-adjusted one out of these four lmao, like he does reserve his true feelings, but just in the normal way, not in the deeply wrong are you okay dude way if that makes sense, so he will actively talk about his feelings if he feels like it.

Anyway, I got carried away yet again, but I always have a lot to say about these things lmao.

q: wait wait we love essays but also like what are your markle thoughts on the mark side of the equation?

tbh chenle is kind of an open book and him treating bubble like his stan twt priv definitely adds on to that but(and this is probably just me) mark as a person is so hard for me to figure out like,,,

a: The thing is that I don’t even try to write essays, my intention always is to give a quick answer, but then I get to writing and it’s like girl, what the hell, where are all these words coming from, so I’m really glad that you enjoy them. My sister has to listen to me go on and on and on about my thoughts irl so imagine a day in her mind lol. Anyway, back to your question, I agree that in a way, Chenle is much, much easier to figure out simply because there are few things he actually keeps to himself and I’m screaming at the he treats bubble like his stan twt priv because you’re so right, in a lot of ways he’s an open book, although he himself doesn’t actually realize how people view him.

Like he’s constantly trying to find out what people think of him and he’s surprised when these views don’t align with how he sees himself (thinking of the honest talk section or whatever during 7lling when Jeno talked about Chenle opening up more to them and Chenle didn’t even know who he was talking about), maybe specifically because he hasn’t ever tried to hide himself– always putting all his cards out there for everyone to see. Mark, on the other hand, well, he definitely isn’t a liar, in any capacity really, he doesn’t so much as Consider lying, much less actually going through with it, but I think Mark doesn’t really prioritize himself and his needs and feelings in the way Chenle does. (This is one of Chenle’s qualities that I admire, because he knows what he wants and he doesn’t try to settle for less, loudly declaring as much and not feeling bad about it in any way).

Mark is different in the way that he’s extremely good at compartmentalizing– this is probably the result of moving across the world at 12 to become a trainee and having to juggle an entirely different type of school there and the dynamics of two different units and the intensive training and the utter loneliness of not having his family there. So Mark has learned to compartmentalize. His needs go in a little box that he opens when he’s checked off everything else he’s had to do. This is nothing new, as most of the members have talked at one point or another about how hard Mark works (in way nicer words than being addicted to his job and being an incurable workaholic, like Jaemin saying Mark was their role model because all he did was practice until he literally couldn’t anymore and even then he still found ways to practice).

The thing is that Mark doesn’t even seem to realize this actually. For him it’s only to be expected that he would put in so much effort, that he would work and work and work until he literally cannot anymore, like he’s not the type to be like woah I worked so fucking hard for this comeback, it’s time for a well earned break. No, there is no I’ve done enough for him, only I can do more– that’s why he wouldn’t ever complain about having too many comebacks in a row or too many units to practice for, but rather he’d beat himself up over not being able to give his absolute best for each and every single one of these things (this works in direct contrast to the way Chenle approaches work, in the sense that he’ll give his best and then he’ll expect a break that matches his efforts– like he said, he’ll work until he gets tired of that and needs a break and then he’ll have a break until he misses work again, which is objectively a much better and healthier even way of dealing with this).

Now with that in mind I’ll come back to what I was saying earlier about Mark definitely not being a liar, but also not being honest in the way Chenle is.The difference lies specifically in this subconscious compartmentalization he does, like I think one of the main reasons he might seem so hard to figure out is this– the fact that way more things are happening under the surface than that wide-eyed cute little face of his gives away. I want to insist however that he’s mostly unaware of it as well, like Mark’s not some evil mastermind with some high class manipulation techniques, not at all, like he is actually a sweet and cute boy with a humongous heart, but to survive in his circumstances, he had to develop some solid self preservation skills.

The short of it is that Mark is completely unaware of the things he doesn’t want to know. The long of it is that in Mark’s mind, work will always be a priority and depending on how much they might affect his work, he organises things in little boxes (I did say his needs are the last box he opens, but that’s only as long as it doesn’t affect his work, so he will take vitamins and supplements and sleep to make sure he’s in as good of a condition as he can manage to properly carry out his duties). So, as an example, somebody getting hurt takes utmost priority and he will immediately talk it out (Mark being extremely worried about injuries, especially when it comes to Haechan who literally broke his leg and had to be taken out until it got better, so Mark’s extra wary of that now), but like, a member having a crush on him (I say crush because it doesn’t matter if it’s an obsessive sort of infatuation or just straight up falling in love like they both go into the feelings category) isn’t something that will affect his work if he ignores it and even more than that, it Might affect it if he tries to deal with it.

Feelings are complex things and they require way too much time which Mark simply does not have, so, you know, he simply overlooks it. After all, if he leaves it alone for long enough, it’ll eventually go away, so it’s simply better to remain unaware of the things he doesn’t want to know– if you never look out the window it won’t matter if you’re afraid of heights. In a way, it’s kinda cruel, even more so since Mark doesn’t do this with the intent to hurt anybody, like he doesn’t even think that deeply of things like that, but to someone like let’s say Renjun, who would fairly quickly figure out what’s going on– a rejection that’s not even a rejection because he’s not giving you a chance to get rejected in the first place– or Haechan, who’s incredibly perceptive and very good at reading people (ahem, someone who might, you know, possibly develop a rivalry induced, driven by the need to know someone unlike anyone who he’s ever met typa crush, spite crush even lmao) it would be a pretty big blow.

The problem with this facet of Mark’s personality in the markle dynamic however is that Chenle is even more unaware than Mark, like not in the complicated way that Mark is, no, I’m talking about just straight-up old familiar lack of awareness that I keep mentioning when it comes to him (this is not to say that he’s not sharp, I think Chenle is very perceptive, just not when it comes to his own feelings and what exactly they mean). So Mark will overlook Chenle’s newfound obsession with him and indulge him when he decides to drop honorifics and then decides to call Mark his dongsaeng and then finally his son, because it’s not hurting anyone and if he just treats Chenle like a friend, Chenle’s feelings will eventually go away as they get closer and the sweetness of love fades away. Right?

Well, no, obviously, because Chenle’s clearly not getting better and the reason for that is that there’s no way for his feelings to go away if he himself doesn’t even realize what said feelings mean, so somehow, as they get closer, these feelings only deepen. So not only are they not going away, but Mark’s really starting to get used to them and Chenle’s constant affection and presence is becoming something he can’t really live without (also Mark is famously a dude everybody seems to love and one of the main reasons for that is that he generally gives people exactly what they need, and if that’s let’s say physical touch as a form of reassurance for someone like Jungwoo, well it’s quality time for someone like Chenle, so Chenle asks and Mark gives and in return Mark takes the center spot in Chenle’s life, no lack of attention for him there, where he just has to say something and Chenle will look at him with love in his eyes and say yes my baby).

Now Mark has obviously grown from his trainee days where nothing really existed outside practice (the markno dvd where Jeno was talking about a trait of Mark he likes or something like that and Mark was like ah, is it that I’ve become more relaxed and it was actually that he’s very relaxing to be around, like easy to be around, but like there’s no denying that Mark has gotten better about, you know, letting himself breathe a bit) but spending time with Chenle has been an amazing influence in the sense that when he’s with Chenle, Mark doesn’t have to worry about anything, he can just be, because the perks of someone being in love with you is that everything you do seems worthy of love. So he actively visits Chenle’s place and sleeps over and talks to him and buys him early birthday presents and in the safe space of Chenle’s apartment and more than that his presence, Mark has gotten looser, like Chenle saying that he doesn’t know about how he is around other people, but that when he’s with him, Mark has started to just say whatever without thinking twice, much like Chenle himself.

So while I’ve talked before about Mark's influence on Chenle and about how he softens him up and makes him more patient (or well, I think I did lmao), it’s a road that goes both ways and Chenle has also influenced Mark for the better.

Anyway, I don’t know if that answers your question because at one point things started getting out of hand, but this is what happens when I try to talk about Mark because there is just So Much to be said about him that I could literally talk all day and still not run out of things to say lmao.

q: what are your thoughts on chenle saying he wouldn't cry if he got separated from mark? https://twitter.com/feedarchive/status/1460247730350006279?s=20 he also said he can't say i love you to him either? it surprised me a lot because i thought mark would be an exception considering chenle (along with all other dreamies) mentioned missing mark a lot during boom promotions. perhaps you can share some markle thoughts on this?

a: The thing with Chenle, and more specifically when it comes to Mark, is that Chenle lacks awareness. Chenle, at his core, is a very honest person and a loud one at that too (I say this with utmost affection as these are some of the main traits I love about him) and you could see this in his radio and now during his daily visits to bubble where he doesn't hold anything back, be it his relationship with the members or his diets or what he's been up to or any stories you might not expect to come from an idol’s mouth (this is common knowledge but he really doesn't have idol baggage, possibly because, more than anything, he does this idol thing for fun lmao like what are they gonna do? Kick him out? Anyway, complete opposite from someone like Jisung, who literally overthinks everything and rethinks his words and actions all the time to see if they fit in the Ideal Idol Image). But honesty does not equal awareness.

Chenle is honest about the things he's Aware of, like he will tell us he went out with Renjun or went to Yangyangs place or that he talks to Mark like daily and he’ll tell us how he feels when it comes to certain things, but Chenle is not really an introspective person. As in he will say that he never cries and nothing makes him sad enough for tears but that he thinks he will cry at Mark’s wedding, yet he won't look any deeper into it. It's only normal to him that he'd cry for Mark's wedding, the reason doesn't matter (or that besides his own, the only wedding he'd cry at is Marks, not the wedding of any of his other friends or anybody, just Mark, specifically), what's important is what he feels.

This is like completely different from someone like Renjun, who will look into every single thing he feels and try to figure out the reason for every emotion which might lead to him overthinking things and distancing himself from people and feeling lonely, but that's another story entirely. Back to Chenle though, the point I was trying to make is that not only is he unaware of the magnitude of his feelings for Mark (like he says and does things because that's what he feels like doing and saying and we’re all like oh my god.... but he doesn't even think twice of them) but he also thinks about everything in relation to the present. To give an example, back to the wedding thing, he doesn't consider once that his feelings for Mark might change in any way, like get smaller and not quite as encompassing, in the years leading up to said wedding, he just lives with the surety that he’ll feel just as strongly as he grows up and as they both change and their relationship shifts.

This situation is similar in a way, because being asked what he would do if he got separated from Mark is the same as asking him what would happen if he stopped liking Mark. It has never happened, so there's no way for him to actually imagine it, and there's no real fear in his mind that it might happen. Like before, when markle weren’t Nearly as close as they are now and they got separated when dreams future was as unsure as it gets, Chenle missed him, like all the dreamies did, because Mark has always been a big part of their life, but he wasn't like the central part of it. The situation has changed now, however, and Mark isn't just the cute leader who lets Chenle get away with quite a bit anymore, Mark is now one of the most important people in Chenle’s life. Mark sleeps over like, i don't even know, twice a week when he can, maybe more, they talk daily, he gives Chenle gifts and more than that he gives him all the time he can find and in return Chenle gives him his literal whole heart. Right now, Mark is undeniably a central part in Chenle’s life.

It's the main reason why it's so hard for Chenle to really imagine how it would feel to be separated from him. Because there is simply no reason why that might happen– Mark knows his number, knows where he lives, knows the door code, knows Chenle always looks forward to his presence– so beyond schedules and units and whatever, they are just incredibly close friends and Chenle expects to always have Mark by his side. Its easy then to say that he wouldn't cry if he got separated from Mark, because it's similar to asking me if I might survive a zombie apocalypse (sure, I say, because why not, it's not like it'll happen anyway, i can just say I'll be brave and fight for my life and whatnot, but I might just run into the first horde I saw if an apocalypse actually happened).

Anyway, I got a bit carried away, but back to your initial question, I think the I love you situation ties a bit into this as well, into the first part I mean. First of all, Chenle is not an I love you person, he has said this multiple times and it doesn't mean that his feelings are any less strong or intense, it just means that he has a different way of showing them. Like that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's simply how he is, even when it comes to his parents or friends, and like while it might change if he finds a significant other that needs this sort of affirmation, at the same time, it might not. This, yet again, has nothing to do with the depth of his affection, be it for Mark, or, more obviously, his parents.

But while all of this is true, there’s yet again his lack of awareness that we have to consider. Like Chenle wouldn’t even think of telling Mark he loves him (obviously with the implication of romantic love because Chenle just overall isn’t the type to tell his friends he loves them, like that’s just not his thing, as opposed to someone like Haechan who Will kiss a homie and tell them he loves them) because he doesn’t Realize he’s in love with Mark. (As an aside, I thought that the closer they’d get, the more likely it’d be that Chenle would figure out his feelings, but all that’s happening is that Mark is becoming a Constant in his life and Chenle’s getting no closer to having any sort of Oh moment. You know that thing where you have that aunt who never gets married and lives with her girl best friend and everybody’s like they look like very good friends and you’re like yeah, mhm, friends– Chenle’s the aunt, but he would also think they’re very good friends lmao, I feel like Mark’s just really skewing his image of what a Friend is supposed to be lmao)

Well, that’s the gist of it, like as always I still have more to say, especially when it comes to markle, but as tldr, I just think Chenle simply cannot imagine any real separation from Mark, not in any way that matters, so in his head it was probably like so what if Mark leaves on a tour, I’ll still talk to him daily, you know? So obviously he wouldn’t cry about that lmao. And for the love aspect, he first needs to figure out he’s in love with Mark and even if he does, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’d say he loves him. God, these people really make me go crazy, I know this is kind of unrelated, but it’s still insane to me just how Close they’ve gotten like they really are Best Friends (thinking of Chenle saying that Mark’s gotten way looser about saying whatever he thinks when he’s with him and just going insane). Anyway, I keep getting carried away, but yeah, I still think that every single time Chenle talks about Mark, he doesn’t realize just how much he is actually giving away. It’s both fantastic and terrible.

q: what was your first nct ship? and i wanted to know about your journey with nct's ships >.<

a: Omg this is such a fun question actually, mostly because as opposed to how I usually am when I get into a group and I just imprint on someone and just ship them with everyone, this time around there are just so many people and so many interesting dynamics that it was hard to settle on only one. It might actually come as a surprise, but my first nct ship was actually dojae– classic 2pick pairing because my initial biases were Doyoung and Jaehyun lol.

I was still just getting into nct so I wasn't particularly interested in reading fic, but I had started thinking of dojae scenarios with half-baked thoughts about them cause I didn't know them yet, while I started marathoning all the nct content on youtube to get a better grasp of everyone's personality. The first content that I watched actually made me wonder if I could even get into this group with how weird it was, but well, here are lmao.

Anyway, dojae didn't last long, because for the first time in my stanning career my initial bias actually changed. The reason for that was actually quite funny, because I stumbled upon this random post on tumblr of all places which was basically Mark’s to you message to Haechan and I just stopped and was like now wait a damn second, he said what? So I went and watched the to you series and then I had to rewatch all the nct content I had marathoned again while keeping an eye on Haechan and Mark cause I Needed to know what went on.

So, not only did I get very invested in whatever the hell Markhyuck had going on, but by paying more attention to them as more than just yeah the talented maknaes, I realized that Haechan was so fucking fun and entertaining and cute and then I got possessed and wrote a 20k+ fic when I hadnt properly finished a fic in actual years, the inspiration was fresh and undeniable lol. Also Haechan very quickly became my bias with Mark a close second soon to rise to be on a similar level as Haechan.

At this point I was firmly only into 127 and I had proudly claimed that I didn't need to know about even more men, but for my second watch of all their content, I decided to give the dream content that I had been mostly ignoring a try too because of some random youtube compilations of nct vs languages where the nct is love clip and do you want to drink tea one were like the height of comedy to me.

Anyway, that was clearly a mistake, because I realized that these children are actually so fucking entertaining and cute? What the hell? Why did I avoid them until now? So I got into dream too and since I was marathoning everything, I didn’t exclude the content that didn’t have Haechan because I was still normal back then and since my brain works in mysterious ways, it suddenly decided that renmin was a dynamic I really wanted to get into.

More specifically I saw Jaemin trying to wrap himself around Renjun in the under the blankets content and Renjun very passionately trying to push him the fuck away despite Jaemin’s insistence and decided wait, I could write a fic out of this. It ended up becoming a 55k+ fic, but like I said, in mysterious ways lol.

At this point, things become a bit muddled, as all the relationships in ncity are overwhelming and so many of their dynamics seem fun and interesting to explore, so I had like a lot of ships I wanted to write and ideas I still haven’t gotten around to writing that are just there, waiting for their time. But as a rule of the thumb, if they have Mark or Haechan, it’s a ship that interests me lol, oh and also, Jaehyun.

Jaehyun is a huge mystery to me personally and so obviously I had to explore that and I tried something short with another weirdo that also happens to be his roommate in that thoroughly cursed room lmao. I’m also a crazy jaetenist, like believe me when I say that I am completely obsessed with them in ways I cannot describe and like I’ve seen a total of like 5 clips of them, but the one where Ten is in bed in that purple shirt and he’s saying something or the other about a watermelon and Jaehyun is so very gently caressing his face, man, that really changed my life.

Like there was something there between gay and completely confident Ten and gay little disaster Jaehyun and I personally am Never getting over it and I Will be exploring that lmao even if it kills me.

Then my Haechan pepero kissing fic is a very short look into most of his dynamics because I love loving Haechan and then I watched the johndomark jcc again for like the third time with my sister this time around and got possessed to write a fic for them and then I went back to my initial obsession with markhyuck and wrote yet another fic for them.

My next ship that I actually got super interested into, but that I hadn’t really considered before despite having two of my faves, is jaehyuck. I was aware of them, but I didn’t actually pay such close attention to them until that one spoiler vlive I think it was before punch maybe where they were dressed in the colorful pajamas and Haechan had to pick a headband for Jaehyun and Jaehyun was all like, ah, whichever You want Haechanie, I don’t mind any of them and I suddenly realized that Jaehyun is one of the only people that won’t play Haechan’s games and that Haechah thoroughly enjoys that.

So, obviously, I had to write fic about that lol and it also became something else entirely from what I had planned and completely spiralled.

Anyway, back to my ship journey. The next ship I wrote is actually dotae, which is funny cause when I was just getting into nct I was talking about how I would most likely never write dotae because they’re just too domestic for me and I wanna explore some weirder shit lol. I soon realized that they’re fucking weirdoes despite being domestic work married and realized that they would definitely be the type to try some more fucked up shit maybe specifically because they trust each other so much. So, well, the piss kink fic (among other things lol) happened.

After this, you can kind of see how I go from being normal to becoming a full time deranged dreamzen because sm is finally giving them the attention they deserve and so all my attention is firmly on them. This is when I start to explore dream ships like nahyuck, jensung, back to markhyuck and this is also when the dreamies climb up so high on my bias list they’re literally next after markhyuck because they are just so interesting and I got invested into them in ways I never thought I would ever again after bts fucked me up.

Anyway, the found family propaganda works and god does it work well, because right now I am thoroughly interested in every single one of the 21 ships in dream and all the potential trios and more because they are simply so intertwined and so deeply codependent in the sm lab children style that I can’t help but want to explore all those dynamics.

This also happens to be my Chenle obsession era and so I have a few fics planned with him simply because he is so fascinating to me and I simply cannot ignore his crush on Mark or his admiration, to say the least, for Jeno’s body.

But yeah, my ship journey with nct ships is one of the most unusual I’ve had, but it’s mostly because of how unusual they themselves are lmao.

Current Mood: bouncy

q: your markle hurts me so much because i kinda feel like jisung sometimes feels left behind… + adding some more to my jisung cc and just how he could not felt the change?? like he was chenle’s person before… he took him to meet his home, his parents, his entire family, used to make birthdays to him, they used to make special things for each other but then this switch because they grow up and chenle thinks he’s more matured than jisung and they settle that they would be friends of the same age but lately you can feel the gap? and i want to know what happened because it’s killing me and we need to talk more about chenji and this angst arc they’re having because jisung has another ships but he has never treated any member like he treats chenle… and my babyyyy nooooo

a:
The thing is that I believe that chenji are still each other’s person. For them, their meeting has always been something of a fateful encounter and even though they didn’t initially realize that, the fact that they clicked was a rather easy conclusion to reach. Chenji work together, they always have, they balance each other out– Jisung softens that fiery personality of Chenle’s, because he’s genuine and sweet and Chenle is weak to that, and Chenle in turn makes Jisung braver, makes him gain confidence in himself, because he doesn’t beat around the bush and doesn’t hesitate to encourage Jisung in his endeavours.

So I don’t think they’re any less close actually, their friendship runs too deep for that, but I also don’t think it’s a particularly bad thing that they’re branching out a bit. It was easy to see just how close they were before because there wasn’t really anybody else either of them was as close to, Jisung was a shy ass kid who was only surrounded by hyungs and was always on the precipice of just starting to cry if any of them asked him to dance and Chenle joined later and also knew close to no Korean. So it was good for Jisung to have someone to teach– it helps that he’s patient and good at making people follow him despite being the maknae and despite how utterly shy he is– and Chenle didn’t mind being same-aged friends with Jisung, obviously because Chenle just is like that, but also because a three months age difference Really doesn’t mean anything to him lmao.

They were a thing, they still are, Chenji’s this and that, Jichen’s that and this, the two of them, but there are more things now. For the two of them, I think their friendship with each other was the first friendship that felt right, like it could last– you know when you get to know someone and you just click so well that you can’t imagine not having them around even though you’ve objectively known them for just a little while– that’s how I think chenji’s friendship is. So for a while it was them and everybody else and the first person they seeked out was always the other, because they just worked together, there was never any awkwardness between them, any unsaid things because they weren’t sure how the other person would react, they just were and it was Good.

Now I don’t think this has changed, there’s a reason Chenle has taken Jisung to meet his family and there’s a reason that they’re so comfortable with each other and I don’t think that has changed, but the reason they fit so well together, the differences between them that make them complementary in the first place, can also mean that sometimes they will want different things and that’s not a necessarily bad thing. They went from just the two of them to letting other people in, an expected development, because Dream are almost always together and as Jisung slowly got used to them and slowly overcame his shyness and as Chenle got used to the different culture and to the language barrier, they obviously got closer.

An important differentiator however is that Jisung wouldn’t mind if it was always just him and Chenle, but Chenle– Chenle might.

It’s not even a matter of Jisung not being enough, or of Chenle not loving him with his whole heart, but rather a matter of them, ultimately, being quite different people. Jisung’s not a people person, never has been, and he’s an anxious little overthinker who doesn’t like to be away from his own people, from Chenle, from Dream, takes a long time to feel comfortable enough to open up and has a lot of things constantly pressing down on him, even more so since he’s terribly self-conscious about his image as an idol, while Chenle is in pretty much every way the opposite of him.

Chenle thrives between people, seeks them out and loves being surrounded by them and he doesn’t mind looking stupid as long as he’s having fun and feeling good, has close to no idol-baggage and openly and loudly speaks his mind. These are all fine qualities, things Jisung admires about him even if he’s constantly trying to protect the image that Chenle couldn’t care less about, but also things that might take Chenle to a place Jisung can’t follow.

So while Chenle will comfortably talk to some of the 127 hyungs like they’re his friends and hang out and play with them, it’s not something Jisung would choose to do unless he absolutely had to (re: he literally had two awsaz episodes while Chenle’s besties with both Jisung’s awsaz partner and his). The dreamies are fine, Jisung has gotten to a point where he’s fully comfortable with them and actively seeks them out, especially the three in his immediate vicinity, but the hyungs outside of them are not quite as easy for him.

In a way, Chenle is also not in his immediate vicinity, not really, because Chenle doesn’t live with the dreamies and while that’s not really a problem for people like Mark or Haechan who will literally hang out at his place even when Chenle’s not there, it might prove to be an obstacle, in a way, for Jisung. It’s not even because Jisung wouldn’t ask his manager to take him there, or because it’s a hassle, but rather because Chenle isn’t the type to invite him.

Now don’t get me wrong, because it’s definitely not because Chenle doesn’t want Jisung to, or anything like that, but yet again, because their personalities and how they view certain things couldn’t be more different. Chenle loves Jisung and he fully expects him to be aware of this at this point, will tell him his door code and tell him that he can come hang out whenever he wants and fully mean it, but also won’t press him if Jisung doesn’t show up, because he knows Jisung and knows he needs his time and doesn’t mind hanging out whenever Jisung wants to. But yet again, Jisung’s an anxious little kid and a chronic overthinker and he can’t just Go to Chenle’s place.

Jisung won’t even go to Jeno’s room uninvited, would rather send him a message to come eat with him than go to his room and they literally live together. So even though he Knows that Chenle is really not the type to mind, has been told by Chenle himself that he can come over, he cannot help but worry. He doesn’t want to bother Chenle, doesn’t want to go to his place uninvited or catch him when he’s going out with some of the other hyungs, so he just doesn’t go. And Chenle doesn’t push him.

I think this is one of the main reasons they don’t seem as close even though whenever they actually are together things are as easy and comfortable as they always were– no weird tension, no moments where they don’t know how to fit together anymore, none of that– because they don’t really hang out as much outside schedules, outside their this and that, because they could, but they don’t, because Chenle has a lot of people to hang out with, so Jisung doesn’t have to always be next to him. Like I said, it’s not necessarily a bad thing and it doesn’t mean they’re not close anymore, because they obviously are, and I wouldn’t go as far as to call it an angst arc, but I do think that after this period of time where they don’t hang out so much, their separation arc if you will, there will be a reunion arc.

I do think they will get much closer in a markhyuck reminiscent way, but you know, without the fighting and bad energies involved, because after branching out and experiencing more relationships and people, coming back will be all the much sweeter and will make their relationship much stronger. And as for Mark, because that’s what actually prompted this ask in the first place, I don’t think Jisung’s any more aware of Chenle’s feelings for Mark than he is, which is to say not at all lmao.

Jisung and Chenle can both be observant, but in their own ways, Chenle’s observant when it comes to other people, has solid advice and sees things as they are, but is almost completely unaware of himself, while Jisung is the opposite, is aware of himself and his feelings first and of the way people act around him, but not the way they act with each other. So for different reasons, it makes the both of them pretty oblivious to Chenle’s monumental crush on Mark. For Jisung, the whole obsession with Mark is absolutely not new, just another fallen soldier in a group full of those, and literally all of these obsessions are unusual, so he doesn’t even realize that there might be more to Chenle’s particular one.

Anyway, I wouldn’t say Jisung feels particularly left behind, nor that they’re any less close, but I do think that Chenle’s going through a period of self discovery and growth and that, coupled with their different needs as people, might mean that they haven’t been hanging out so much recently, but also that when they figure themselves out and gravitate back together, it’ll only help strengthen their relationship.

q: pleaseee tell me why u think markle is hurtling towards tragedy? will it be like my poor cl will get his heart broken? or wha

a:

You know, the problem with falling in love with a fellow member of your group is that it almost never goes well. Yes, there’s an almost there, because I do like to believe that in an ideal world it could work out, and maybe there are situations where it could, but the problem with markle is that there’s more to it than just Chenle having a huge, unmistakable crush on Mark Lee. The problem is, in a way, that Chenle has had a wildly different life than most people his age– and his experiences and how he deals with them are shaped by that– and unfortunately, we’re privy to those experiences happening in real time.

The thing is that despite everything, Chenle’s life has almost never been entirely his and I don’t mean that in the way that he hasn’t had freedom, not at all, Chenle is the baby in his house and he’s been spoiled within an inch of his life and I’m pretty sure that he’s been given anything that he may have ever asked for. But Chenle’s also been in the public eye since he was a very tiny kid and he hasn’t known much outside that.

You might wonder how that ties in with Mark, but there’s more to say until we get there, because this all didn’t happen suddenly, Chenle didn’t just meet Mark and had an is this love moment. He actually hasn’t even had that kind of moment yet, years into knowing Mark, into this thing taking root and growing until you can’t even see past its branches, encompassing in its size, but maybe this is something easier to see from an outside point of view than from between said branches.

Anyway, we know Chenle joined SM later than the rest, much closer to debut, so obviously he didn’t really get the chance to know each of them individually, but rather as this already formed circle, which, you know, had the potential to go terribly wrong, but this is Chenle we’re talking about. Of course, there was also the language barrier and Chenle was basically given a dictionary and a baby Jisung to deal with it, but, yet again, this is Chenle we’re talking about, so he made the best out of it.

This also means that Chenle was, in a loose sense, more exposed to Jisung than the rest and he didn’t get introduced to Mark in the way the others were– prodigy boy from Canada who skipped a grade and comes here for summers and is good enough that everybody acknowledges. Chenle just got to know Mark as this hard-working hyung who keeps telling them to practice and nothing more. The fact that Jisung was his go-to person also helped maintain this down-to-earth opinion of Mark, because Jisung has never been plagued by any sort of Mark disease– that is to say he just likes Mark and thoroughly respects him as a leader, you know, like a normal person.

The not-so-normal people were the other three, Lee a person like this cannot be so I’ll dig in until i find the worst parts Donghyuck, Na how can I inhabit Mark-hyung’s skin instead of him Jaemin and Lee if I stick close enough maybe we’ll meld together through sheer power of will Jeno, but Chenle could still just look at those three and laugh, because that’s just Mark to him. Unfortunately, proximity to Mark Lee does not help, especially since Chenle’s not the type to be normal either and so things obviously started to shift.

Mark leveled up to cute hyung in Chenle’s head, fun to tease, entertaining to be around, which you know, still harmless, but things obviously couldn’t stop there. Mark’s a chill dude and more than that he doesn’t exactly have a korean upbringing, so when Chenle drops the formal language Mark doesn’t bat an eyelash, doesn’t even care much when Chenle starts dropping the hyung, would probably let everyone but Haechan drop the hyung without a second thought, so it only makes Chenle more comfortable around him.

So now Mark is his equal in Chenle’s head, his friend in every sense of the word and it’s a good place to be in, comfortable, easy, and it stays like that for a while, because Mark leaves Dream and he joins Superm too and the time Chenle gets to spend with Mark goes down considerably. But then Mark ends up rejoining Dream and suddenly Nct2020 is also happening. Now this is when things start to go in another direction entirely.

Chenle goes from seeing Mark every once in a while if the opportunity arises to seeing him Much more often and this is something I’ve said before, but distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder. This is evident in all the dreamies, all of them have kind of mellowed out when it comes to Mark– not that they ever were rough, but they’ve grown up a bit and started settling into themselves– and Mark is Mark, so his return only makes everyone want to stick to him like glue because they’ve obviously missed him, missed working with him, being around him, missed Dream being complete.

So now that Chenle’s spending so much more time around Mark and with Mark, he realizes that maybe Mark doesn’t actually feel like a same-aged friend. He doesn’t feel like a hyung and a same-aged friend doesn’t seem to fit either, but Chenle obviously likes him and enjoys his presence a lot and finds him unbelievably cute, so maybe Mark can be his dongsaeng. It’s a satisfying conclusion for Chenle, one that allows him to shower Mark in as much affection as he so wishes without having to explain himself, but even that turns out to not be enough after all.

The next step is a bit harder to reach, because Chenle clearly has a lot of love for Mark and if none of these labels have been enough, he needs something stronger, something more encompassing. Unfortunately, he doesn’t quite reach the same conclusion as us and he easily jumps from wanting a son like Mark to wanting Mark himself to be his son– it fits his agenda perfectly, he gets to love Mark unconditionally and shower him in gifts and presents and hang out with him as much as he wants because obviously he would, that’s his son.

Now this is where we kind of circle back to Chenle living a different life from other people his age. Chenle’s a famous idol, has been a star since he was a baby, but he’s still, in a lot of ways, a kid. Sure, he can provide for himself and he basically lives alone and he wants to seem real mature and grown and capable, but Chenle hasn’t really had the time or the opportunity to experience life outside the spotlight and he probably can’t even really imagine it.

That means that Chenle has to figure himself out in front of the cameras and he clearly doesn’t mind that– doesn’t know how to live any other way in the first place– but it also means that he doesn’t know how to hide himself. So Chenle dips his toes in the things that pique his interest and talks with people about his experiences and approaches everything with an open mind and an honest enthusiasm for everything that brings him joy. It’s sweet and it makes you want to root for him in his fiery curiosity, but you know those horror movies where you just Know something’s going to pop out even when the main character doesn’t? Well, that’s kind of how I feel when I look at Chenle sometimes.

This is where the hurtling towards tragedy part comes in, because one of the experiences Chenle is getting to know right now is falling in love, and it comes with all the ups and downs of it, only that they’re amplified by his circumstances. Because being an idol means that your personal experiences can be solely yours only if you’re Really good at not letting your private and your professional life bleed together– something people like Jaehyun excel at, but that Chenle hasn’t really even attempted, yet again, in part because this is all he’s known.

So Chenle likes Mark, Loves Mark even, and besides the constant content that we get of them together where it couldn’t be more obvious that Chenle has it bad, we also get a glimpse, actually much more than that, of his thought process during his radio. That only cements the fact that if nothing else, Mark is a huge part in Chenle’s life, I might even go as far as to say a central one.

Chenle doesn’t only mellow out around Mark, edges all round and soft, competitiveness dulled and moods eased, but even when he’s not with Mark, the man is still a constant in his thoughts. It doesn’t matter if the stories presented at his radio are about friends or lovers or potential love interests or even more unusual combinations, Chenle still manages to make it about Mark, about his experiences surrounding Mark, about how he can relate to this and that. So we get to hear about his jealousy, about his affection, about the concessions he’s willing to make, even the way he justifies things (I know Mark still loves me even if I’m the only one calling him to hang out, even if we don’t always talk, even if he hangs out with other people. I’m not a person who cries, but when Mark gets married I might).

It’s all an incredibly honest love letter, one that Chenle doesn’t even realize he’s writing, and it’s sweet, really, because he’s clearly happy, clearly having fun discovering himself as he deals with the unending stream of feelings he has for Mark– he’s in love, at the height of it even, with all the unexplained happiness it brings– but this can’t last forever. I wish it could really, I wish Chenle stayed in this limbo state of happiness where he doesn’t really know, but one day he Will realize.

It’ll be a harder conclusion for him to reach, because Mark is his friend and a very close one at that, one of the most precious people in his life, but more importantly, he’s also a boy. Now I don’t think that Chenle has ever fallen in love before, hasn’t even had the chance, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know anything about love, not at all. He has a pretty clear image of it– so clear that sometimes I want to point a mirror his way so he can see the things he says reflected in the way he acts around Mark– but the image he has in his head is between a girl and a boy and no matter how he looks at it, him and Mark don’t quite fit into that fold.

So then Chenle doesn’t ever imagine Mark as a girl, because he likes Mark just the way he is, wouldn’t want to change anything about Mark to date him, but it’s much easier to imagine dating Mark if he himself was a girl, unabashedly says that he would chase after Mark if that were the case. And I do think that he’s done his fair amount of chasing, but it doesn’t register to Chenle as what it is simply because it’s different from what he knows.

So Chenle pines, he pines and he wants and he doesn’t even realize exactly what he wants because he doesn’t see the way he brightens up around Mark, the way he unfurls like a flower under the sun when Mark talks to him, praises him, acknowledges him. We do unfortunately see all of this, which is why this is so terrible, because Chenle can’t even have this one thing to himself. And I know, I Know, that Chenle’s used to this, doesn’t mind showing embarrassing sides of him to the camera, never has, but it doesn’t change how personal this is, how we really shouldn’t be seeing this because he doesn’t even realize what he’s showing us.

He will realize one day, because there’s no escaping this, but unfortunately it won’t change the fact that he’s an idol, that they’re both boys, that Mark won’t return his feelings. Ultimately, this is what I’m getting at, that whichever way you look at it, this can’t end happily. Because Mark Lee is a great guy, obviously he is, there’s a reason Chenle has fallen for him, and I like to believe that if Chenle ever ends up actually confessing his feelings, he’ll let him down gently. But Mark can’t give Chenle what he’s looking for.

And you know, I like to jokingly put the blame on Mark– because I love Chenle and I don’t want him to have to hide himself, to have to swallow down his feelings, or more importantly to lose himself, to lose his bright curiosity and the innocent courage he has to try out things that don’t necessarily follow the norm– but I know it’s not his fault. Mark’s not actually an idiot, not when it actually matters and even more so not when it comes to these people, people he’s known for years, so I don’t think he doesn’t at least have an inkling of Chenle’s feelings. It makes the fact that he won’t return his feelings all the more obvious, because he loves Chenle, he really does, spends so much time with him and genuinely enjoys his presence, but he doesn’t love Chenle in the way Chenle loves him.

Anyway, this has gotten completely out of hand, but my heart hurts whenever I see Chenle look at Mark like he hung the moon and the stars on the sky, because even if he doesn’t realize it yet, there’s no happy ending for this love of his, no matter how much I may want there to be. So even though it’s hurtling towards tragedy, I hope that it won’t break Chenle’s heart in too many pieces, because he has such a beautiful heart and soul, I wouldn’t be able to take it if they broke in pieces too small to put back together.

I just really want Chenle to get his happy ending, whenever that may be.

Thank you for reading and enjoying it!! I’ve actually gotten into nct like last year and it wasn’t really serious until it suddenly became very serious and i needed to know everything and i just consumed any content i could get my hands on to understand how these nct people work. Obviously it’s still a work in progress and i’m still finding out new things about them as one always will, but i’m glad that my take on markhyuck makes sense and fits the image they’ve shown us.

I don’t think it was fake either! I agree with the weird gravitational pull, because while mark didn’t really know how to deal with haechan, there was no denying that he respected his talent and passion and there was also a certain amount of obsession between the two of them, of wanting what the other had and they didn’t. I don’t even know if i would call it the healthy kind, because i’m pretty sure haechan has considered at least Once how it would be to live inside mark’s body for a day, like to just slide under his skin and see things from that angle.

The two of them have always had pretty different views on things, so besides, you know, the obvious frustration that comes from someone just Not being able to see your point of view, i think there was also a sort of jealousy there from not being able to see things like that. Like haechan complaining about mark spending too much time in the practice room and not being able to leave because they had to leave together and just wanting mark to give in and stop practicing and go home with him for once vs mark seeing just how nonchalant haechan always is and how he never gets stressed and still does so well and wanting to be able to just take things easy for once as well.

But yeah, after some time away, mark became much softer towards haechan in general and ever since he’s been weirdly sensitive about haechan getting injured, because i’m sure that was the last thing mark ever expected. Like haechan’s not the type to be stupid and practice until he can’t perform anymore or things like that, so him getting hurt and having to be put on the sidelines, away from what is clearly his favourite thing: performing, was a low blow for haechan for obvious reasons, but also for mark who never thought he would have to go up on stage with haechan’s space next to him empty.

I must admit the sun thing was so sappy disgusting romantic, which mark certainly has the tendency to be, but not usually towards haechan, so that was a big thing in the sense that mark was clearly going through it in a way he never had before. Like i’ve never really doubted that he loves haechan, they’re obviously close, but he’s very rarely like declarative about it in the way he was when haechan was out of the picture.

Anyway, yeah, mark’s much better at dealing with haechan when he’s the one initiating things rather than haechan, and he’s generally pretty fond of haechan when he’s not messing with him, but he’s also comfortable enough around haechan that when he’s not into it, he’s simply going to let it show.

For me, the differences between yumark and markhyuck in that aspect are that, first of all, the age positions are reversed, like mark is no longer the hyung in that relationship and while they’ve known each other for pretty much the same time and mark could make friends with a wall, yumark have actually started getting close way after debut and i do think that mark just wasn’t entirely sure how to react when this hyung started fawning over him. So there’s that aspect of not wanting to make things awkward between them, like he could easily push haechan away and tell him to stop because he knew he wouldn’t take it personally (even when he may have actually wanted him to take it personally lmao) but he couldn’t really do the same with yuta, because yet again, he was the hyung and mark didn’t really know how he would react.

Second of all, i think i mentioned this last time too, but it’s also a matter of intent. I do think a lot of the more in your face yumark that we see is just straight up fanservice that mark’s just learned to play into, because when they’re not playing it up for the camera like in the relay cams when they were eating together they’re much easier to watch and more natural. But yuta’s fanservice is done obviously because he likes mark and finds it easy to do servicey acts with him, but also just for the sake of it, while haechan does fanservice a lot of times just to be annoying, just because he knows that’s a sure way to get under mark’s skin so obviously mark doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

Anyway, I managed to get carried away once again like a clown, but i also find markhyuck’s relationship very interesting and the way they work so well despite looking like they Really wouldn’t at a first glance. Still it wasn’t a thing that happened overnight and it’s a relationship that has changed a lot over the course of the years and it really wouldn’t have gotten this far if they didn’t find each other interesting in the first place and wanted to get to know the other despite the clear signs that this wouldn’t work out.

q: what are your thoughts on the markhyuck relationship?

a:

Wooo now that's a Question. Just a fair warning that this is going to get long, but i find markhyucks relationship super fascinating and i generally hate the way they're viewed in fandom, specifically because they get boiled down to some stupid little traits that don't define them At All. Anyway, markhyuck are, in a lot of ways, two people that would have never been friends if the circumstances were different, because the whole opposites attract thing doesn’t actually work unless you have enough things in common to meet in the middle.

Unfortunately for markhyuck, their passion for music and drive to succeed in this industry happened to be their middle ground and whether they wanted it or not, they kept meeting there. For haechan, that meant meeting like one of the first and very few people his age who could rival his talent while mark had to deal with the whole brunt of haechan's obsessive interest in him. That meant that mark couldn't get to know haechan the way the others did, because haechan was always trying to get under his skin, to see just how good this prodigious canadian boy actually was.

So obviously there was tension there, there couldn't not be, what with their entirely different upbringings and views on things like skinship and in a way the language barrier too, but i also mean like body language, not just spoken language. They were functioning on different frequencies and the fact that they were always paired together, always training and doing things together, whether they wanted it or not, forced them to at least try to play the same tune. It made their differences even more obvious, highlighted the things each of them have that the other doesn't (they work well together like that, complement each other, but to 14yos trying to make it big, i doubt there wasn't a helping of jealousy there to smooth things out) but also their similarities, their common goals, their common struggles.

Still, the common ground wasn't enough and they were also children so something Had to give and i do think that they've bent out of shape quite a lot of times, but to use the summer fight as an example (which may or may not have happened, but there were fights for sure so, you know, for convenience sake) something needed to put some distance between them. Because they were stuck together for so long that at one point they didn't know how not to be and haechan in particular relied more on mark's presence in 127 because he wasn't nearly as comfortable with some of the hyungs as mark was and he gravitated towards him for that reason, because he was familiar, because haechan knew what to expect.

Things shifted during the summer fight and they had to change roommates, had to put some distance between the two of them and then the haechan injury happened and there was a whole lot of distance between them and then mark was leaving dream and suddenly they weren't doing everything together anymore. Suddenly there were a lot of things they were doing separately, even more so with mark also joining superm.

And you know, i don't believe in the opposites attract theory, but something i Do believe in is the whole distance makes the heart grow fonder. Sure, it's something of an exaggeration in this case, because markhyuck basically live together, but at the same time not really, because not only has it been a long time since they've been roommates, they're literally on different floors right now. So, there we go, distance, time away from each other, time for haechan to broaden his horizon of people, to focus the entirety of his attention on some other members. It's good for mark too, because while everybody has always been his friend anyway, getting to see haechan from something of an outside perspective also helps, lets him get away a bit from his knee-jerk reaction of haechan is out to get him.

So, after all this, we finally get 7dream again, they're all back together, markhyuck included (yeah i know they're together in 127 but this is irrelevant to my point) but things aren't the same as before. For one everybody is obsessed with mark and i mean in the really gross way (i'm looking at you zhong chenle but literally nobody besides jisung is free of sin) but at this point in his career, mark is actually kinda used to this, even more so since these are the dreamies and mark really loves them. The recurring problem then is how is he with haechan? How are markhyuck doing?

The easy answer is that they're good, great even, greater than they've ever been, but it’s never quite that easy with these two, hence why they're such a fascinating pair to me in the first place. All this time to themselves and getting to do things on their own, separately from each other in a way they couldn't really do when they were trainees and then quite some time into their debut made them realize that well, maybe they enjoy spending time together after all, like of their own volition. This is in part because they’ve grown up, matured a bit, settled into themselves, both haechan and his need to size up mark's balls and mark and his inability to figure out haechan's intentions.

So haechan now not only knows mark's boundaries, but actually respects them too, teases in a way that's fun for both of them, easy even, and mark now knows what to expect, knows what haechan's looking for too, doesn’t have to push him away for 3-5 business days until he can figure out what he wants. Still, some things haven't really changed and while mark will let haechan cling onto him and be his clingy, kissy, cuddly self for the most part, he still can’t really stand it when haechan is obviously doing it for the camera, even more so now that he can actually see when he is. Hence why sometimes his knee-jerk reaction is something along the lines of disgust lmao, but he does let himself ease into it quite a lot of times, especially when it doesn't seem like haechan's doing it for the camera and he’s just being himself.

I do think that mark actually enjoys haechan when he is loudly and unapologetically himself and just really isn't a big fan of the obvious fan service haechan is oh so prone to lmao, because when mark's initiating things, he can get as touchy if not even touchier than haechan without seeming to mind it one bit. This is also something that i think has to do with intent, because mark doesn't and never has calculated his moves, like he just moves and does things according to whatever the vibe is at the moment, while haechan is much more calculated and careful in everything he does (complementary things and what not you know)

Anyway, woo, this has gotten out of hand, but markhyuck is a subject i really have a lot to say on and i could keep going on and on about them but yeah, these are my thoughts on markhyuck lmao.